mostly

"Mostly you get what you pay for. Mostly people do what they say they will. Mostly a deal's a deal.Mostly you can trust people. Mostly."                                

                                                                                   -Love Etc. Julian Barnes-

A weird thing happened. Me, the queen of passive aggressive, the takpe, kalo ko cakap pon aku tak percaya, got so inexplicably mad for such a small thing. 

I have discovered that i hate it when people say things they don't mean. If you don't mean it, why say it at all? Will it make someone feel better? What happens if that person really believes it? How would that someone feel if they knew you were just saying it? How would a person feel KNOWING that you didn't mean them?

Obviously i don't mean the small little lies we tell to jage hati org like even though mostly i don't even see the point in it (which is why i'm not sweet) but i see the thoughtfulness of the action.

It's just that i've drawn a map in my life. That there's an area where these people go -people i can always depend on to tell the absolute unvarnished truth : who'll gelak mcm pontianak when i have a really bad haircut, people who tell me the truth.

I can't trust you anymore when every word that comes out of your mouth i have to second guess. Dahlah tu, ckp mcm keling, hari ni lain, besok lain, luse ckp forget i said any of that, tulat ckp mane aku penah ckp macam tu.

Aku tak faham and aku tak kuasa nak look beneath all the surfaces just to find the obvious.