hujan batu hujan emas

all my friends in msia slalu jealous sbab aku blaja kat sini. and most malaysians over here slalu jealous of people over there.

but the truth is, i think deep down, we're all contented with what we have. sbab aku tak rase any of my friends really want to LIVE here. holiday, sure. but do you know what living here entails?

first and foremost, you feel like a perpetual outsider because let's face it, you are. the food sucks. or the keterpaksaan memasak sucks. winter, snow....not that great sometimes. the cold just makes me sleep more and hibernate like a teeny tiny bear. the language makes me feel like an alien. it's a lonely, lonely existence. which is why sume org yg blaja oversea tak sabar nak bercouple.

on the other hand, a lot of us are finishing our studies this year. and although asik cakap tak sabar nak balik msia, this has been home for 5 years. i know of nothing better. i'm out of touch with malaysia. hari tu balik asik complain panas melekit. and the issues! tak pernah rase selamat there ok, nak tgk news pon takut. and the political and cultural issues rase mcm merepek and macam2.

so finally, many of us want to stay here.

i used to be...impartial. my mum used to want me to stay here. so i didn't think about it. now that she's gone i kinda have to go back and teman my dad.

which is cool. i think the best thing about not knowing what you want and and always trying to please your parents is that, when you have to change your plans you just shrug and say....okay.

on a level, malaysia sounds safe. like you have more leverage, like, familiar. on the other hand you know all those sibuk aunties will just never leave you alone. and it's scary to go to a place that you don't feel at home in....even if it's your homeland. home in pasir gudang feels big. and empty without mama.

at the end of the day, i find it better not to think about it. just do it.....you know it'll work out if you really want it to.

in spite of it all, let's just say i'm optimistic about the future.