mean

i have a lot to be sorry for. i've been awfully mean lately. tadi tiba² terdetik, must say sorry to papa. i think i said something unforgivable 2 weeks ago. but i keep these things in my heart. the things i regret saying, yang sometimes just comes out......i don't say sorry but i remember how awful i feel, i hold the awfulness of what i did in my heart for a long, long time.

it's just that my outbursts are always so random and unexpected and mean-spirited i don't think people know what to make of them. hell I don't know what to make of them. sometimes they just come out of nowhere.

i think i keep a lot inside. i get mad about things and i try to be rational but sometimes the anger gets out in unexpected places. and everyone is left bewildered. did she just do that? did that really happen. then i calm down and it's like nothing ever happened.

i'm jekylline and hydie. it's disturbing.