this will be another boring emo rant about work

it's freaking midnight and i am stubbornly typing. regardless of the fact that i have to get up at 5AM tomorrow morning and get to office by 6AM (we're now on 12h shifts). and i am notoriously bad at waking up early.

i've screwed up majorly twice in the past 2 days at work. and things can only go from bad to worse.

i just cooked myself a lamb steak and am typing on my AZERTY netbook after a year of not using the french keyboard. it feels like school now. like the night before exam signaux and you bloody well know you're gonna fail.

only the stakes are so much higher now.

was i really the girl who LIKED waking up early? who finishes her food all the time? who kind of just shrugs and whatever?

it seems that nowadays i only drag myself out of bed out of sheer terror of what awaits at work. i never finish my food anymore - don't seem to have the appetite. and i bitch all the time.

there's only one explanation, according to Mr. Heath : I've run out of willpower.

I shall expound on this theory on a later date, based on a book the project director gave everyone called Change (it's one of those corporate, how to be more efficient and have better management skills kind of books). of course, it's about how to change, but i've only gotten to the part where no one actually wants to change i.e first 5 pages of the book. then i lost the willpower to continue reading more depressing and forceful stuff.

so how to get through life? quitting is not an option. no matter how bad things are, well, you can't run away from life. so i figured, let's dig into the optimism box : tomorrow is another day.

you may have gone to work in mismatched shoes, unkempt hair, got splashed with puddle water on the way to mrt, sent the wrong report to the biggest bosses, recall and resent another wrong report, accidentally sent your password to a whole mailing list (and commit a serious security breach).

but tomorrow is a chance that you'll suddenly find that gorgeous dunno where it's been dress, a cute stranger offers to share a cab with you, your reports are perfect and you successfully manage a tricky situation with difficult ppl.

tomorrow is a chance that all your past sins can be erased if you try hard and you get lucky. i believe that.

so good night, world. i shall have to wake up in 4 hours to fight monsters and demons. i welcome the challenge.

provided i don't screw up step 1 : wake up. you'll root for me, won't you?