snap.

i had a bad day at work today. and i snapped. i just realized, for all my bravado la ape la independence la, i'm classic youngest child : tak pernah kena marah dari kecik.

seriously. i take kene marah/ tegur very badly. which is why i had a bad day at work today and i snapped....ala, snap in the sense that terus jadi senyap, mata bergenang while trying to fix my work and started ranting in the car. and now i have to emo blog while eating chicken rice at pappa rich. sampai skarang tangan menggigil i'm so freaking mad. and i think if i think about it i'm probably mad about nothing.

dalam kereta dari work issues to boys issues to life issues sume keluar. but of course i rant only to myself, and by default you guys. since whatever you read on this blog is our little secret, right?

serious, baru perasan. i very rarely kene marah. dari kecik i was this precocious little girl whose siblings' mistakes always overshadow mine. lagi2 kalo kene marah pastu it's not your fault. you just feel so mad that all your hands are shaking and your heart beats fast and you can't keep calm.

or when everyone's mad at you. and the only person who, walaupun marah will come hug you is your mum. well, my mum's not here anymore but beb's a bit like that for me. i remember ade satu kali tu he was so mad at me sampai tanak tengok my face. everytime i face him he'll turn away. pastu bila i merajuk, fineeeee and move away he'll pull my hand. tanak tengok muka but he will still hold my hand.

anger is fleeting. at least it is for me. there's a kind of love that stays. you can't fault me for not letting go of that hand.