sex and the city

I just read sex and the city by candace bushnell. the book that spawned ultra-hip sex and the city the series and sarah jessica parker, manolo blahniks and women in their thirties' obsessions with doomed relationships.


i kinda never got the tv version so i tried the book...which was, depressing in a joan collins kinda way.


what's it about..see the author is a genuine new york gossip columnist par excellence so most of the stories are probably true minus the character names and certain modifications.let's see, there's a whole bunch of people who have everything : money, power, beauty, smart, interesting but are perennially bored and never satisfied.


happily single or miserably single. and if they're not they're constantly trying to sabotage their relationships or other people's.


in the end the main character, carrie convinces herself that the relationship is over, that he's trying to get rid of her and eventually gets a little out of control.
i never want to be that way. i really wonder why intelligent people want to be that way.sometimes i channel : i pretend to be totally insecure and asks my boyfriend if he's seeing anyone else, if he loves me, if that other girl is prettier, would he love me if i were fat, am i fat, does he think i'm smart enough etc...


so long as i'm just pretending because the truth is it's just so exhausting to be that way...slightly crazy and neurotic.


but i still believe in real love..i'm not jaded enough and i'm not cynical enough.it doesn't have to be perfect all the time because people aren't perfect but it's real.
i'm in love right now. right now. and i want to do all the things that ma told me not to do cause i'm too young and i'll make a unfixable mistake. maybe i will and maybe i won't.


women are never satisfied...we are taught to have the highest expectations because our mothers don't want us to make the same mistakes but as we get older we'll understand that people don't have the same expectations and maybe the mistakes were in fact the thing that we were supposed to do.


so when women are in relationships they're critical..the next guy will be better so maybe i should let go of this one. or maybe for some people it's the opposite : marry the first guy who loves me because i can't get better that this?


i don't know. here's what my ma's always told me : don't be too idealistic when you're in love. everybody does stupid things when they're in love and then they regret it....ominious, don't think whatever you do overseas won't follow you back home because it will. just because your parents don't see you doesn't mean they won't know later on. boys will always say all the sweet things you want to hear when you're courting.and then they all fall out of love and after a few years everyone will forget all about it. love is only epic when you're 16.
my mother's such a master psycho.


but i'm happy now. i want to tell her : i don't want better than this. it doesn't have to be perfect all the time because it's good all the time. we fight, we squibble, he make me mad, he makes me cry, we don't agree and we yell...but it's all still good, it's real.

we don't pretend and hide our real selves. it's not the first 3 months where you really make the effort...i see all the little cracks and i know his annoying habits. he's well aware of my not-so-nice side and neuroticness.


and i wanna ask why wait? then i remember telling a friend why NOT wait? because you're too young, too blindly in love, idealistically ignoring the ugly realities of life, because he might not be the one. and i say : if he's right it'll still be right later on. why not wait?


love is an effort...it doesn't last through magic and fate like in the movies. you always have to make an effort if you think it's worth it.the way i see it : you wait because you're not sure and you wanna hedge your bets.you don't wait because you want the now that even if everything fall apart later you'll always have a piece of this real love.


me? i just want a house with nice furniture and my pretty rocking chair and popcorn movie nights.