change is good

i'm the most resistant to change person i know. it's like i have super inertia. when things try to change i hold on tight and will it to at least stay a semblance of normality. kalo ade changement d'etat my temps de reponse is like, infinity.

it's the stupidest thing in the world.

which is possibly why the beb situation is so hard on me. yes i know, everyone has done their share of yelling at me. sume pon dah tak kuase sbab aku mmg degil and keras kepala. nak jugak stay friends.

tak berape ingat but i think dengan yus pon lebey kurang same. but worth it sebab me and yus good friends sampai skarang. though, sampai skarang aku akan blanje org mase birthday yus (le fameux friday the 13th). but yus is like the most lurus person, kawan means kawan..satu cm pon tak kuar dari proper. while beb...

slame nie there was big semblance to normalcy. because we talk basically everyday and aku tak kasi die mention gf die. we see each other all the time. but here and there i realise, EVERYTHING has changed.

do you have any idea how hard i'm trying? since i rationalise everything, the only way to not pick up the phone and be cool with it all is by staying mad at him. which is currently taking up most of my energy. really, my default setting is to forgive and forget but i'm really tired of the cycle : i get mad, i cool down, he agrees to be nice etc...then he does something jerk-worthy, i get hurt and the cycle starts again.

so i'm staying mad at beb.

i really hope i last more than 5 days.