as soon as rational thought sinks in

"you need to understand that all girls are crazy. doesn't matter how put together they look or how rational they sound, underneath it all they're all crazy and cannot be understood"

i have been sucker punched. lawyer-ed. braainwashed by the male propaganda. and for that i salute you, beb, you are the master. and i say this lovingly.

i realize i often go into psycho bitch mode without warning. so not healthy.

this does constitues a public apology. one i don't delete or take back and you can forever read whenever i'm being a jerk ;)

it's true. i'm often unappreciative and berkira and expect too much of you while being guarded and kedekut .

yes, beb spends money and time coming over to see me all the time. and yet i've never set foot in his house in sille.

i bising about being taken advantage of and bullied because you totally play the guest and ask for everything whenever you're at my place. pastu buat muke budak 3 taun yang mak tak kasi beli ice cream 20 sen......"aku nak sambal belacan pun tak bole." but i don't give you credit sbab you actually always end up cooking.

and seeeedappppp ;)

i make you go to rock concerts you're not that interested in and drag you to places you're reluctant to go. and tarik muke bile ko insist on watching football padahal aku tau je football is your passion.

and at the end of the day, sangat mudah rant and panggil ko unspeakable names like "cheating bastard" and "lying jerk". i'm thinking it's actually great that you just laugh when i do that.

if this were a malay cerekarama and we were married i would totally be bini high maintainance yang pandai bising aje while laki tu suffers in silence. and we all know how that ends.

ko mmg terrer sbab lepas you argue your case aku rase dah terabuse ko. but heureusement ni bukan cerekarama ni reality so i have to be objective.

all the sweet things you do so get sort of overlooked sbab :

1. ko mmg ade flirt with girls for fun and you do lie like a freakin rug
2. there have been instances where ko mechant gile ngan aku. and selfish. and sangat tak sweet sampai aku rase macam arghhh how did i end up stuck with you?

so, credit, where it's due. here's a secret, wan mohd beb, you are perfect bf material as long as the girl doesn't bore you. which is.....the first 3 months. but i said the word perfect :D

this thing we have...it's not gonna last for clear reasons. and i did tell myself i wouldn't be a jealous psycho, i do know you. but occasionnaly, these lapses of stableness happens...like when i think i thoroughly freaked out pidin when i interrogated him in curt, terrorist interrogation tactics about your gelenyaness in nice. i forget not everyone's used to my cuthroat ways.

and jangan, jangan explore your pc. you can do whatever you want, you don't owe me anything. plus, i know you too well and all the ways you'd cover your tracks. urgh...just makes all the finding out of unsavoury details so much worse.

but never fear. drama, betrayal and shattered illusions are now commonplace in our household and kite bole je gelak2 15 minutes after that and go to rock concerts. i'm certainly not gonna let a little thing like that ruin our day.

so : i'll try not to be sucha bitch next time. smile and give you a hug when you're sweet, pull your hair and do some damage whenever you're a jerk. live in the moment and yet be wary of what the future might bring. everything changes but some things never do.