alhamdulillah

selama ini, i was, for lack of a better word, an ingrate. tak suke rase beholden kat sesiape so tak pernah mintak ape². especially from parents. so bile dapat ape² yg tak diminta itu slalu dengan paksa rela, "thank you mama, papa. you shouldn't have."

mama slalu, "tak payah buat muke macam tu. mama paksa ke? mama seksa diana ke? bersyukurlah sikit."

pastu mama buat muke beruklah, muke babilah, die cakap buruk kan muke orang tak bersyukur?

macam budak². i'm always gonna miss her.

saya. awak. kau. aku. kita. mereka. dia.

we all like to whine sometimes. or maybe that's just me. hence, blog.

kenapelah aku tak pandai? kenapalah aku tak kaya? kenapelah aku bukan nasha aziz? pastu sibuk ngak jealous kat orang lain.

kadang² kita lupe nak bersyukur.

we are all just enough. smart enough. rich enough. fortunate enough. cool enough. pretty enough. loved enough.

so i'm taking a moment to let the rest of the world fade. and be grateful for all that i have.

alhamdulillah :

• for 5 amazing years in france
• for wonderful friends, here and there. putting up with my self absorbed craziness.
• that i am healthy.
• for our new next door neighbours at home in malaysia who keeps my dad company when he's lonely.
• that i've been lucky in most areas of my life. considering.
• that i have easy hair. like tak payah sikat pon takpe. bangun tido rambut tak disaster.
• that i can eat all i want and not worry about not fitting into clothes
• that no matter how lost i get, masih ingat Allah and nak jugak taubat dengan sembahyang subuh (sbb subuh 2 rakaat aje and bile dah buat you have a chance for that day to be the day you change)
• that kalo that day tak change pon besok nak cuba lagi.
• that i'm a morning person.
• that saye photogenic. (bukan photogenic sbb nampak lawa dalam gamba tapi sbb dlam gambar slalu naturally tak nampak jerawat yg sebenarnye banyak)
• that my mom knows how much i love her and how i would sacrifice anything for her : this is important. at our age slalu nampak macam lebih pentingkan kawan, diri sendiri and boyfriend. pastu selalu tak reti cakap benda² mushy at your own mother. sibuk nak rebel tak nak dengar cakap. tell people they're important to you.