bangkok, how fitting

so i went to bangkok last week. yes, i went to see beb. but mostly i went because, who would turn down a free trip to bangkok?

as it turns out, and in retrospect, probably any self-respecting girl.

bangkok is strangely enough one of the most organized places i've been to. a lot like singapore actually. of course, i didn't go to the red light district or anything. i didn't shop much either because i'm in that transition phase where i convert everything into euros and weigh the pros and cons of each buy. inadvertently, everything felt expensive. 

you wouldn't understand my logic and the science of it is too complicated to explain in this post but trust me, everything feels expensive here, even when you're in a euro mindset. fin, euro mindset en chômage.

i took a boat on chao phraya river and saw the giant reclining buddha, naik tuk tuk and went for thai massage. i did go to chatuchak market and platinum mall i.e the most amazing places to shop. but i didn't buy anything.

ehem : two bags, one t-shirt, huge flower hair pins and one jacket is nothing, right? everyone has said i've become a complete and utter bimbo, which sounds very true.  

so why did i go? i don't know.

you haven't changed a bit. i haven't either. in fact, absolutely nothing has changed in the past 10 months that we didn't see each other. everything felt the same. we're at the same impasse we were at a year ago. except that it all felt wrong.

because you felt like a stranger. which was weird because we do all the same things we always do: watch horror movies, watch football, you grumbling when i shop, cook for me, spend unneccesarily, watch stupid comedies, wrestle like crazy when i try to read your blackberry. 

it was total dejavu. different place, different time but it's crazy how everything's the same. it's even worse because i didn't know what to feel, if i felt anything at all. like, truman show. 

what a strange, strange trip. 

you know how i've analysed our relationship to a science? grafset, plot graphs, cycle de vie, we have seasons (may selalunye season tibe² nak suke, april biasenye saling membenci). come to think of it, october mmg slalu macam ni. bile tak jumpe rindu la, apelah, bile cuti october jumpe your mind's always elsewhere and last² i merajuk sendiri.

seriously. talk to me. what are you thinking cause i'm gonna be really bad at guessing and i'm starting to believe that i've wasted a lot of time on this.

but that's okay. because i'm an emo queen. i live for drama. non-drama (which is what this is) makes me squirm.