anak manja

saya anak bongsu. would you believe that if you met me? probably. because i'm small and sorta mengade-ngade.

ahhh.....but you have much to learn about the masks people wear.

for instance, kalo aku gedik and friendly it's actually me putting in effort. if not, i'm actually a cold person. i'm a tough love kinda girl. if i'm not making you suffer for anything it probably means i don't love you. and i have a thing about never expecting anything from anyone. especially family. which is not very anak bongsu-ish. tak pernah mintak mama or papa ape². no one would call me manja.

yeah, that's what i thought.

but then my dad remarried and now i have FOUR ADIKs. the age difference tak banyak pon. but still, i have absolutely no idea how to be a kakak ok. and i discovered exactly how much i am like an anak bongsu.

tadi beb tanye, "are u kakak yang sombong?" ehhhh....not so much as kakak yang awkward. they call me kak di. so aku pon kene bahasakan diri as kak di.

diy, i feel like you!

when fairuz(my brother) comes back i run around nak manja, "buyuttt!!!!!" although i'm 25. i think my mom pernah mention this to me. tulah org nak manjakan dolu taknak nanti takde org nak manjakan baru tau. tu yang dok lari gi bangkok.

dahlah aku pulak jenis susah nak accept orang. but they're just so nice, it's really making me feel bad. must make more effort. but this is the problem with effort : effort implies force. and force just makes you be someone you're not. i've always been against pretense and trying too hard.

it'll just take a little time, right?

ps : malas tu bukan sebab manja. malas tu sebab spoiled.