tapis

*tapis is how you say 'all in' when you play poker in french. i'm such a bad card player i always, always go all in and lose everything. maybe that bodes badly for this. but don't change yourself for anything or anybody.

in the movie "you've got mail", meg ryan breaks up with her boyfriend (greg kinnear) :

greg : i don't know how to say this. i think we should break up.

meg : oh my god, i feel the same way!

greg : but we're so perfect for each other.

meg : i know!

the lesson is that, compatibility doesn't always lead anywhere. i thought about this over and over. i can't find an answer. and i always end up just sticking with beb. whether it's because he's more persistent or because it just feels natural with me i don't know. but i guess it's time to put my chips in one place, win or lose (seriously i don't know where all the poker metaphors come from today).

i told boy#2 today that i got back with my ex. it was such a relief.

beb doesn't actually know this yet (that we got back together, and not likely to know until probably 5 years more), so you won't tell him, right?

i have to get him to sign a pre-relationship agreement. don't worry, my terms are emotional instead or material :)

the phases in a relationship are : crazy in love -> comfortable -> annoyed -> can't stand each other. we've gone through that cycle a few times actually. and we're still back here in the first phase again. it gives me hope.

if by any chance, you surprise me and something irrepairable happens, then it's ok. let's break up and no hard feelings.

the point is : you can only make yourself happy.