To all the failures and mistakes

I am the kind of person who makes a mistake many times. It's because I let go easily. I would make the worst kind of gambler.

I frequently get hustled by cab drivers and sellers and even when I've realised it I let it go and jot it down to "Nevermind, he's feeding his kids with the money."

Years ago I read "Broken Arrow", the novel before watching the movie. In the book, John Travolta hassles Christian Slater's character for being the same way and he replies "God evens things out." I liked the idea.

Even though I can be an insensitive bitch and occasionally deliberately evil, I believe in karma and doing good deeds and giving back to society.

A colleague told me, yes, that's very Malay of you. Very 'tak apa'. Really, I had also been accused, when I told someone that I'd be working in Singapore, of being very Singaporean which I took to mean, kiasu (tanak kalah) and berkira. It's all very confusing.

After suffering with an old car in France, I went back to Malaysia and bought another old car with practically all of my savings. I love my car to death but I'll have to admit that in hindsight, that may not have been the best move.

The point is, I'm not the kind of girl who learns from one mistakes. I always chalk it all up to experience and never torture myself too much about it. When the next opportunity comes along, I go with faith and try again. It's difficult for me to say no.

But lately, I've been gathering courage. To say no to people. To be firm to questions and not hesitate with things I'm not comfortable with. It's not that I'm losing faith. But maybe it is time to be more cautious.

So maybe, I am limiting the tak apa-ness.

Tis the year to stop myself from repeating same mistakes.